blessed

It has been more than a year since the last post, boy.

I took a day off today, not indulgently I believe, but of necessity.
Been having a couple of stress points from various issues --- relationships with authors; work timelines; camp hooray commitments; and family.

Anyway, I finally got the time to venture to Bukit Brown & covered quite some ground, and also to cycle the scenic Mandai road. A total of five hours in the sun---the weather was beautiful, thank God. Had to walk some of the way because my back tyre kept deflating, and also I took a break sitting at one of the benches overlooking Upper Seletar Reservoir. It was beautiful. The day before, colleagues & church mates celebrated my birthday, and it was sweet. Colleagues got me hokkien mee for lunch (from Sembawang Hill, no less), which I loved, and chocolate cake; mates from CDS got me choco-exotic as well. This morning, I'd kekou mian with the sister for brunch and then Long John Silvers with the fam for dinner. Simple desires these are; I am content.

It's been an intense latter half of the year in 2019, with us launching a memoir detailing the author's daughter's death to suicide. I edited the work, with the author, and am thankful I'd my editorial interns who were great moral supporters whom I could also bounce editorial pointers off. Also launching two of my projects at SWF; an anthology of fiction and a debut novel. The latter's launch is tomorrow, and I'll be introducing---what a publishing journey this has been for this author, in particular.

It's coming to the end of the year, but now's the time we've got to start planning for our calendar in 2020. So a lot of emotional and mental labour is being carried by me for months frankly, almost in perpetuum since I continue to manage the publishing schedule. Think that's where my stress mostly stems from. I think my family doesn't get the level of responsibility that I hold here, simply because they see my pay not being commensurate. It kinda feels like I'm writing a reflection post, so I'm diving into it. Recently I was also very blessed to go on a cultural exchange trip to Seoul, with accommodation and flight paid for by the korean literary agent. It was a wonderful break and really thinking back, it's such a privilege and blessing, thank God! Also that period was just the end of my intense editorial process with L, and I was thankful that my team allowed me to go.

Church-wise, this year saw some upheavals which I think was a rude shock to all parties involved. But by His grace, the fallout has been remedied to the best of our abilities I think. I've also voiced my intent to step down from leadership next year but the transition will take some time simply because there's not enough people, always not enough workers in the field. Incidentally, in the same week, we were made known of another new ministry that had opened up in church, and I was quite piqued and keen. And more so since then, I was acquainted with someone from a work event, who had shared about a hope to do something about mental health in church. And then even more recently, just a few days ago, I was asked to do IBS with a new seeker... and I said yes. Because here is God-given opportunity to serve Him and share the gospel, how might anything else be more important than this?
By His grace indeed.

Spiritually, I am also personally beginning to see the importance of doing God's work, to keep me accountable and also be in the company of fellow believers. I know the wariness of being a Martha, but am I being a Mary when I'm not doing anything? I think that is the difference. Many of my closest friends, people I actually want to hang out with, are not from church and that's bothered me for years. Is it a matter of not finding like-minded Christians or...? Also, I guess the fact that the group I'm close to are so much younger than me, in different life stages with different life experiences, and maturity also make it tough to share because it's not as relatable? Ultimately, with all that's going on in my life now, may He continue to be my utmost and my anchor every step of the way.