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Because the emotions of this afternoon are too significant to go un-penned, I shall have to detail it here.

This afternoon, my grandmother lost consciousness while being fed lunch by the helper. Because I wasn't at that part of the house, I didn't see that but could only hear the helper's desperate cries for me to come over. Her cries then already made it clear to me that something bad had happened.
I rushed out and over to both of them.

My gm's head was slumped over to one side, her body completely limp on her wheelchair, and the helper was still repeating "mei mei, mei mei" (that is me) while anxiously stroking my gm's back in an attempt to wake her.
The helper also showed me the food which my gm had retched out and there was blood.
Rico was barking.
My gm's face grew paler by the second, with her mouth agape but her eyes shut tight, body limp, and I knew we both thought the worst.

It is a different type of shock when you see someone upclose lose signs of life that quickly and visibly.
Amidst all that chaos, I could honestly say I was scared because I thought her soul had left her body and I was looking at a something, and not my gm anymore.
I don't know how to express it, but to think that you saw that is a terrible feeling.

I proceeded to call my mother ( I don't know why) but hung her up quickly after spewing fast facts like "gm's like choking and I'm gonna call the ambulance okay bye"). I then called 995 and felt my mind racing as I told them what had happened and our address and all. It all happened so quickly. I knew I was near panic but managed to string my words correctly.

The paramedic on the phone then asked me to perform a CPR on my gm because i told them I wasn't sure if she was breathing. The very strong helper then carried her onto the floor and I'd to follow instructions from some dude on the phone on how to save a real damn life.

While I strained to listen over the speaker on how to perform the steps, I'd admittedly missed out some instructions and realized later that I'd done CPR wrongly.
My gm also started to make some inaudible sounds and seemed like she was choking on something since her mouth was still agape all this while.
She was still unconscious and limp.
But at least, hearing something was better than nothing.

So there I was, attempting 'CPR', pushing her chest with both hands, elbows straight, and with every very hesitant and shaky push onto my gm's thin rib-cage baring chest, I thought I was killing her literally. I kept looking at her with each push to see if she was still reactive.

I even asked the paramedic on the phone if I am to sustain my push for 5 counts and he affirmed it. So all the while, I did light chest pushings on my gm on the floor, the helper was kneeling opposite holding my phone for me, and another voice made of static just kept counting "1, 2, 3, 4, 5..."

We did this till the paramedics arrived at my house in about 10 minutes which was mighty fast (bravo) and we let them take over.

I then sat in the ambulance's front seat while we whisked off to nuh.
And I was just appalled at this particular delivery truck which refused to make way while we were rushing there (I can't take this shiite), with sirens blaring and the paramedic even sounding his horn at that guy. Seriously?

While my gm was unconscious till then, she's in stable condition now.
The diagnosis is a urinary infection... Which led to her unconsciousness. I am no doctor so I'm not saying I know better but thank God for preserving her life.

Never thought I'd find myself in such a situation, it creeps me out even now to remember how she looked.

And thank God I did CPR wrongly because I might have broken her ribs for nothing, had I known CPR.

Being at the emergency waiting room alone was also another set of experiences but then I saw a familiar face and that was slightly comforting - a secondary school mate who was serving ns as a paramedic. He helped checked on the condition of my gm and told me before the docs did, that she was stable. And that was when he told me if I'd done CPR correctly on a person who didn't have cardiac arrest, I would have hurt her a bit, maybe.

I wanted to retch too, walking around the hospital. I lost my appetite. Just last friday, I was at the polyclinic helping my mum collect some test results and meds and already felt uncomfortable. I think I hate them.

My mum said the helper was crying on the phone when she called. I wouldn't think there was any other way to express it.
I went for a run when we returned home in the evening anyway, I guessed I needed to.