Why don't you open up we'll talk,

Life hasn't been well for me, obviously.
Even the school's laptop is giving me bs.
I feel like a walking cadaver and as awful as hell.
I feel a myriad, a complex, a fusillade of emotions being shot through me.
And I know I've been blabbering about emotions for the longest time.
But, that is really all I've got.
And it is pathetic.
It is disgustingly pathetic.
I go everywhere with the heaviest load of a thousand imaginary grey bricks,
Building a wall.
A wall that I think I might crash myself into very soon.

And I am exhausted.
My brain is on fire.
My heart is so fkg heavy and nothing, no one is making it better.
I want to be better.
Please, please, please.

The things I do, the places I go, the thoughts I craft, oh the things I feel.
Why am I invoked with the strongest of impulses, why.
I think I shall die inside.
Slowly, but surely.
I am my own consuming fire.
I am so very happy.

I am so very happy.

Interview this Wed.
Being in transition, the state where there is no real destination is a tragedy.
Being uncertain, being in limbo, feeling lost, feeling loss.
Being here is exhausting.
To feel everything and yet have nothing.
To feel everything and yet have nothing.

I think I shall die inside.

I am ready, I am ready for the fall.