It's like I've lost a half of myself.

Wanderlust Wanderlust Wanderlust.
Yeah, yeah whatever.
I've never been out of SG/Msia for like...
See, I forgot.
Not like my family doesn't know how I pain to get outside this island,
But woe to conflicting schedules and idk, procrastinating?
Ever since I let myself harbour thoughts of sipping coffee @ some secluded place and watching the Aurora Borealis, I have never felt more pathetic and empty.
The experiences I've been getting lately in my ethos have somewhat accentuate what I feel as well.
My life is average.

Ran again tday.
My feet ached from walking in school etcetera and I just felt lethargic so I ran.
I think I set a new record for myself, 30mins for unknown distance from house to Bangkit and back. I raced the bus blahblahblah, and missed it by a stop blahblahblah, unless you were me,
you wouldn't understand how the race was, so well.
Running's one of the few things now that make me know I still exist.
Just the mere cognizance of physical existence itself.
I also think people who see me run get concerned really.
I push myself and I know it.
I like feeling all faint and breathless and just wasted-- Wasted.
Running like I don't give bollocks, even to death.
Yet I feel unconquerable...
And yet "I could not run without running forever", is it not.

I am obsidian.
What use is there to exist,

I feel as though I would do a ridiculously foolish thing and repeat, repeat, repeat.
I am hollow, as hollow as the moon in its glory.
I fill myself with good thoughts and only good thoughts, yet subconsciously I have realised my intentions behind it.
And so I am embattled and swathed in hypocrisy.
I am living a lie, and oh the irony that this is a truth, could it be?

Oh you loser.

Living is exhausting, it is.
I feel weak and I am weak.
They say Carpe Diem, but there was nothing much worth seizing anyway.
Love never fails, love never fails.
Love;
It's like I've lost a half of myself.

Have I?