For all my morbidity, I scruple to think of how I would die. Walking along the corridor in the coldness of the night, the thought of an endless monotony of living as I have lived for the past twenty-odd years hit me as did the chilly wind of January.
I have two paths.
To die right there and leave many things unfulfilled, unanswered, undone and behind; to live on and on with the same great and bad experiences, body and life, fulfilling somethings, accomplishing somethings and being unadulteratedly aware of everything and anything around my being.
Which was desirable?
Which will we want?
A question which is as flawed as us and hence my answer as uninformed and foolish.
Both were evils and admittedly, we cannot choose.
But I choose dying.
It hit me poignant - to live forever would be the most tedious thing.
And though I might grimace at the pain in death, and be petrified when it is near, I welcome it.
I welcome death with trembling but will much rather do so than never realizing it.
I am horribly limited and infinitesimal in the grand scheme of things.
But it is better to work as a doorkeeper of the house of the Almighty than to be anything else out of it.
"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end." (Ecclesiastes 3:11 NIV84)
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