But choosing one meant losing all the rest.

Reread The Bell Jar recently because I'd been reminded so frequently of one of her quotes from the novel:

"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."

I thought I might get some insights but re-reading actually made me more depressed.
Read: Protagonist breaks down and enters an asylum eventually.

And, I'm sad to say, the feeling that I get of Plath now (since TBJ is really quite autobiographical), is of a woman who is obssessed with the polarities between men and women, and sex.
I remember now one debate during Lit about Plath's action(s), whether was it a show of strength or weakness. I used to be inclined to the notion that it was strength. However, this impression now gives me some cause for rejecting that stand. I can't cement my own conclusion though, have to read her journals.

As for me, I really, really need direction. D:
It's been my main dilemma for so long now, I guess I'm not listening well enough.
Oh boy, and tmr's the release of results.
This has been said ad nauseam but I really h8 doing serious stuff on the internet.

Am hoping Christmas makes things a little merrier over my side of the world.