My hope is in You alone.

Genesis 15
God's Covenant with Abram

1 After this, the word of the LORD came to Abram in a vision:

"Do not be afraid, Abram.

I am your shield,

your very great reward. "

2 But Abram said,

"O Sovereign LORD, what can you give me since I remain childless and the one who will inherit my estate is Eliezer of Damascus?"

3 And Abram said, "You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir."

4 Then the word of the LORD came to him:

"This man will not be your heir, but a son coming from your own body will be your heir."

5 He took him outside and said,

"Look up at the heavens and count the stars—if indeed you can count them."

Then he said to him, "So shall your offspring be."

6 Abram believed the LORD, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

Was Abram (Abraham) hypocritical when he said he believed the Lord and yet
sinned eventually? (In context)
It's similar to how we live our lives in today's world.
A pretty poignant lesson learnt 2 sundays ago which left me in awe of
th Lords' greatness and immeasurable grace.

So is it hypocrisy? No, if we meant what we wanted to do in all earnesty.
Being the omniscient God that he is, he already knew beforehand that Abram
would have sinned and yet, counted Abram's faith, as in verse 6, as righteousness.
And is this not a sign of the unfathomable love of our God?

To give an example, it's like..
You giving a dagger to your loved one, full-knowing that he's going to
stab you using that same dagger.
Such love transcends us all humans srsly.
It's the same as when Jesus already knew that Judas & Peter alike were gna
betray & deny him, even though they didn't know it themselves.

I realised I've been deeply lacking of spiritual food these days,
I need to focus on Him. The lack of YKGs are not helping either,
maybe its a sign that I should be less passive too? But alas.
And yknow the times when you feel so carnal and depraved, that you refuse
to pray to him to ask for forgiveness, to talk to Him.
That's when the real hypocrisy surfaces, that's pride- Hubris.

I learnt that recently too.
Who are we to feel that 'I'm-so-freaken-sinful-so-I'm-too-ashamed-'
that you thus decide you should not pray to Him?
It hit me hard cause I felt that many a time and didn't realise that that's dead wrong.
We should always pray to him, regardless.

And yes, I should say.
We always only turn to Him in times of trouble, anxieties and when we want something.

I should change but for now I confess; Prelims are like tmr.
I don't deny that I'm a tad afraid.
Not that I've studied the hardest & in fact, I hvnt, in these 2 years.
As compared to the drive I had during the O's, now's just lacklustre.
I have no idea where that momentum went :\

If you'd questioned me a few months ago how then was I feeling,
I wld have told you "I'm totalllllyyy frreeaakkkkkkingggggg out, dudeeee."
But now, even now, (as you can tell I'm sooo taking my time crafting this post)
I am not freaking out, like mentally, constantly.
Albeit I still mumble occasionally the usual "Zomyyy shyt, my prelims are like, Monday??!"

And so I wonder, should I then be srsly more petrified that I do not care?
This I don't know.
But, what I do know is that this peace I have, should not be taken for granted,
and hence I thank the Lord for it.
Even though I am not the best testimony to my friends and everyone else around me;
Even as I might fall time and time again;
I thank the Lord for his bountiful grace and mercy.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.

Proverbs 16:9
In his heart a man plans his course,
But the Lord determines his steps.

^A favourite verse and the one I used in my application for baptism.
It gives me great hope and it should to, to my fellow believers.

Next, thanksgiving also because we move on.
Thank you friend for the chocolates and for initiating the meetup.
We shall see how this goes from here i guess (:
Finally, I thought parts of the lyrics from Vegas Skies quite nicely sums up what
my feelings are last night towards you.
"When we're this young,we have nothing to lose.
Just the clock to beat and a hand to choose."

But then again, it's a total contradiction to the gist of this post.
Freaking neurotic am I.

That's how weak I am.

Let it be so.